"Hi! I'm Jocelyn, and I've prepared what I think is a Top Ten list of the most dangerous creatures in the world!
You probably thought aliigators, or snakes, or man-eating sharks were dangerous, right? Well, they're, like, pussycats compared to the ferocious creatures we've discovered! Have a look!"
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10: The Bengal Tigerbunny
This little known carnivore inhabits the jungle floor in such East Asian countries as India, Malasia, and Borneo. Greatly feared for its swift and ferocious attacks, the tigerbunny preys on small rodents, deer, and wild dogs, and has been known to attack humans, which it brings down by leaping for the throat of its intended victims.
In recent years the Bengal Tigerbunny has become endangered, as its skin is highly prized for use on computer mousepads.
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9: The Giant Northwestern Killer Trout
This giant trout inhabits the lakes of the North West Territories, and is extremely rare. It is a prized catch of fishermen, although every year it is responsible for the deaths of a few anglers who fail to take adequate precautions, such as packing along armoured canoes, exploding bait, and at least one 50 caliber machine gun.
Northwestern Giant Trout have been known to swallow small boats whole, and unwary swimmers become easy prey, as the giant trout has no dorsal fin to reveal its presence as it closes in for the attack.
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8: The Spanish Horned Tortoise
While this large reptile is slow-moving, it is extremely dangerous when aroused or injured, and will pursue anything it perceives as a threat, eventually disembowelling it with its sharp horns.
Because the Horned Tortoise can only move at 0.5 miles per hour, it is often used by second-rate or older matadors to demonstrate their fading skills with a cape. Such matches often last for hours, and may involve just a single pass. Nevertheless they are avidly enjoyed by the Spanish crowds, who will watch anything that may possibly involve death, blood, and animals.
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7: Giant Mutant Killer Housecats
These extremely rare variants are sometimes found near sewers that have been polluted with radioactive waste that has escaped from nearby nuclear power plants.
Mutant Killer Housecats are unusually dangerous, especially to drivers and their cars on adjacent freeways. Currently the only Giant Housecat known to exist can be found in California, where has been cast in the upcoming movie "Aliens V: Catnip", starring Sigourney Weaver.
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6: The Arnold Schwartzencat
This extemely rare breed of cat is reputed to be the most dangerous member of the feline family. Prized for its fighting ability and fearless demeanor, the schwartzencat is often used by its owners as a guard cat, protecting businesses, factories, and property. It will attack intruders viciously without provocation.
Here a schwartzencat whips a recently graduated class of police guard dogs into shape.
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5: The Alaskan Sled Poodle
While poodles are not normally known for their strength, the Alaskan Sled Poodle is the exception. This tiny workhorse is a formidable work dog, and is used throughout the Arctic as an all-purpose pack dog and sled puller.
Sled Poodles do not make good city pets, as they need constant exercise and steady work. Also, they require a regular diet of frozen fish heads and moose entrails, which many city owners find impossible to provide.
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4: The Cape Zebraloo
This unusual creature is a cross between a Cape Buffalo, a Kangaroo, and a Zebra. Feared by natives of many African countries, but prized by safari hunters the world over, the Cape Zebraloo is extremely dangerous when wounded, often circling behind hunters and emerging from the bush to stomp them to death with its powerful hind legs.
The male Zebraloo uses its horns to fight off other potential suitors during mating season, which is mostly a waste of time because, like mules, Zebraloos can't bear young.
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3: The Mexican Jumping Bull
Extremely prized in Latin American countries for its athletic ability, the Mexican Jumping Bull is slow to anger, but if provoked will demonstrate its amazing athletic prowess with incredible headstands, backflips, and somersaults, just before it charges and gores you to death.
The Mexican Jumping Bull is the only bull species capable of surviving the bullfight ring, where more often than not it is the matador that is killed.
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2: The Attack Schnauzer
Often banned by city ordinance from being kept as a pet, the vicious Attack Schnauzer is known to savagely maul and kill other dogs, stray cats, small horses, and the occasional teenager.
Owners of this animal have reported that it makes a superior guard dog, but requires careful handling, as its nasty temperament and agressive disposition can easily result in lost fingers, especially when it doesn't get its Minty Bones on time.
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1: The Western Brahma Hare
The Brahma Hare is the most dangerous animal to ride in a rodeo event; so dangerous, in fact, that it has never been successfully ridden for more than two seconds. Every year large numbers of cowboys are mauled or killed when they attempt to ride the Brahma Hare, which has a reputation for being an unpredictable jumper and a vicious stomper.
At the left, rodeo cowboy Clint Cheekwad saddles a small Brahma Hare in an unsuccessful attempt to ride it; Cheekwad was stomped to death shortly after this picture was taken.
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