I met her on probation and sort of pregnant;
I can still recall that burlap bra she wore;
She said her name was Vicky,
But I knew that wasn't true.

She was smellin' kind of funny
and wearin' hardly nothin',
And I knew that I would upchuck on the floor.

I promised her I'd play 'Go Fish' forever;
She said to me 'You're cute ... for a guy!'
But who'd have thought I would freak out;
Her two buck teeth caught my eye.
And now we're together, me oh my!

By Carter A,
also known as Willy Lobotomy.

I met him on the highwayat McDonald's;
I can still recall that little hat he wore;
He said his name was Big Jon,
But I knew that wasn't true.
He was chewin' on a hangnail,
But I loved him just the same,
And I knew I'd never rate him more than '4';
He asked me if I'd stay with him forever;
He said to me he loved my one blue eye.
But who'd have thought he'd wind up
Sitting next to me in class;
I now can kiss my math notes goodbye.

By Laurie H.,
also known as Ol' Joe Fish