  Destiny was out for a walk. She came to a river, and saw another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouted, "How can I get to the other side?" Brooke looked back, then looked up the river, then down the river. Then she shouted back, "You are on the other side!" Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: It got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs, and was still stuck. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an AM radio? A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night. Q: Did you hear that Melanie likes to stand in front of a mirror with her eyes closed? A: She wants to see what she looks like asleep. Q: What did Brook do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A She gets the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece. Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A: There's writing on the white-out. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it. Q: How did Shelaine break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for french fries. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her. Q: How did the blonde die ice-fishing? A: She was run over by the Zamboni. Q How do blonde brain cells die? A : Alone. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day? A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. Q: How do you keep a blonde busy? A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper. Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.) Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings? A: Tell them a joke on Friday night! Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? A: Shine a flashlight in her ear. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. Q: How does a blonde get pregnant? A: And I thought blondes were dumb! Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two, ... one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer! Q: If you drop a blonde and a brunette from 100 ft, which hits the ground first? A: The brunette, because the blonde has to ask directions on the way down. Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life? A: Third Grade. Q: What did Destiny say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: Oh look! Donut seeds! Q: What did Michelle think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 10. Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any. Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool? A: Air pockets. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel. Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125? A: A foursome. Q: What do you call a blonde clutching at thin air? A: A woman collecting her thoughts. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? A: Last year's hide and seek champ. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant. Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? A: Divorced. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes his hair brown? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A: Run like crazy ...s he's got a hand grenade in her mouth. Q: What does the postcard from Melanie's vacation say? A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I? Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet. Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading. Q: What's brown and red and black and blue? A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart? A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own. Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS? A: Lipstick. Q: Why are there so few blonde pharmacists? A: They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the printer! Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe. Q: Why did the blonde take 16 friends to the movies? A. Under 17 not admitted! Q: Why did Brooke bake a chicken for 3 and a half days? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? A: Finger on chin - I don't know. Hits forehead - Oh, I get it! Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They're too hard to peel. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks. Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon. Q: Why do blondes have square chests? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes go in first. Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A: To cover up the valve stem. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on them... "good for up to 20 pounds." Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicapped zone. Q: Why was the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: She was throwing all the W's away. Submitted by Visitors: A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when ... the Wal-Mart manager runs out and shuts the horse off. Submitted by Dylan I knew a blonde that was so stupid that ..... * she called me to get my phone number. * she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate." * she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. *she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. *she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. *she tried to drown a fish. *she thought a quarterback was a refund. *she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. *she tripped over a cordless phone. *she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. *she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. *she studied for a blood test. *she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. *when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. *when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. *when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home. Submitted by Dylan A man was trimming his hedges when his hot blonde neighbour came out and walked to her mailbox. She opened it, got mad and then slammed it shut. The neighbour just watched as she walked back in the house. About five minutes later the blonde came back out and looked in the mailbox again. She got mad again and slammed it shut. The neighbour again stood and watched her walk inside. After another five minutes the blonde came out once more, and again looked in the mailbox, got mad and kicked it over. She started heading inside when her neighbour came over and asked her if she needed help with anything. The blonde politely replied: "No, it's just that my stupid computer keeps saying 'You've got mail'. Submitted by Nathan Wallace There were three girls ... a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. They were all stranded on a tropical island. The brunette came up with a good idea; she said they should all go looking for somthing to help them survive ... so they did just that. An hour later they all came back. The redhead asked the brunette what she brought back; she said "Food, so when we get hungry we can eat it". The brunette asked the redhead the same question, and she replied "Water, so when we get thirsty we can drink it". They both asked the blonde what she brought back. She said "A car door, so when we get hot we can roll down the window". Submitted by Larissa She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde: .... she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. ... she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. ... she thought a quarterback was a refund. .... she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. ... she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. ... she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools. ... she thought General Motors was in the army. ... she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. ... she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. ... under 'education' on her job application, she put 'Hooked On Phonics.' ... she tripped over a cordless phone. ... she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said 'concentrate.' ... she told me to meet her at the corner of 'WALK' and 'ONE WAY.' ... at the bottom of the application where it says 'sign here', she put 'Sagittarius.' ... she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. ... she studied for a blood test. ... she sold the car for gas money! ... when she missed the number 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. ... when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said 'Airport Left', she turned around and went home. ... when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. ... she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. ... if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. ... she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening. ... she had a shirt that said 'TGIF', which she thought stood for 'This Goes In Front'. |